I want to disclaim at the start of this post that I am not a mental health practitioner or expert. These views are my own and based in part on my experience with anxiety and depression.

Last Thursday, 10th September, it was ‘World Suicide Prevention Day’. I don’t think I knew this was a thing until it happened. We have a day for a lot of things now, and sometimes the triviality of the name feels completely at odds to the complexity of the topic to me. There was a ‘World Cat Day’ recently, which hardly seems to compute on the same level. Yet mental health, and preventative measures around suicide, are now so much more centre stage due to the impacts of COVID-19 on the world. There’s plenty of guidance on the Samaritans website if you’re worried about this.

To my knowledge, no one I know has attempted or succeeded in committing suicide. I do, however, know three people who immediately spring to mind who’ve been impacted by their loved ones attempting it. Two succeeded.

On Thursday, I didn’t have a lot of time to compose thoughts on the topic, so I shared the one thing I believe to be true that could save lives: if you see someone acting out of character, be brave enough to ask if they’re okay.

That advice was the best I could give for two reasons:

  1. Reading Matt Haig‘s ‘Reasons to Stay Alive’ back in December 2019, I realised people may not know they’re suicidal.
  2. If and when they do realise, they pretty much have to conclude that life can get better before they’ll ask for help and, by that point, the most immediate danger may have passed.

You might be wondering why I think people wouldn’t realise they’re suicidal, so let me pose a question to you: how would you define it if someone was described as ‘suicidal’?

At a guess, your answer will be, “They’re someone who wants to kill themselves.”

Matt Haig described it a different way, and it corresponds to some discussion in the myths buster section of the Samaritans website. He pointed out that people who are suicidal are still scared of dying, they just no longer want to continue living the life they have. Life feels unbearable and decisions are too hard. No life seems preferable.

If you are feeling like that – that you are trapped with no way out – it’s not objectively true and might well be fuelled by depression. There will be a way, you just can’t see it or it’s going to be hard. There’s a huge amount of help out there for someone in that position if they can access it. I’d really recommend Matt’s book as a great place to start.

If you’re reading this and have never felt that way, take a moment to put yourself in the shoes of someone who is feeling hopeless and might be ashamed that they aren’t coping. Admitting to those feelings out loud can be very hard at a time when energy may be at its lowest. They are in a hole, alone, and think no one can help. Your question on whether they’re okay might be a catalyst to help them figure out how to climb out – can they do it by themselves? Do they need a hand? Maybe they need a ladder and mountain rescue? Remember that you aren’t mountain rescue and can’t solve the issue for them, but you can ask the question and give them the right contacts.

So circling back to where I started, this is why I think asking people if they’re okay could make such a difference. But when you ask, make sure you listen to the answer. It might catch and support people earlier.

If you want to do further reading, I’ve linked a few pages from this post and I’d also recommend this section on the Samaritans website for if you’re worried about someone else. If you have a great employer like mine, you might also have internal training on having great conversations about mental health.

Lastly, if you have any great resources you’d recommend, please share in comments.