It’s been a while. Not quite 18 months. A lot has happened – a lot of things achieved, which was brilliant, but I ended up feeling a little lost as I ticked the final thing on the ambition list off. Part of the problem was not really thinking far enough ahead.

Who am I now? Who do I want to be?

The answer is I’m someone trying to re-wire my brain.

I’ve had some really valuable advice thrown my way in 2022. I’ve had questions asked that have made me pause.

  • Can you really say you’ve failed if haven’t tried?
  • Have you really tried to push yourself out of your comfort zone?
  • Why are you so afraid?

As a result, I’ve done some research which has opened my eyes.

I’ve recognised that I am someone who likes to complete things. If I start a film or a book, I’ll usually finish it, however bad. I like to empty my inbox. I like to get every trophy in a game. I set goals that are achievable because I like to achieve. But at that moment of completion, the high of achievement is barely a flicker before I look for what next. Those traits left me very disconcerted when I ran out of things on the proverbial to-do list.

The gap meant I’ve recognised that time, algorithms, my addiction to buying books and games, and intervention by others, has usually solved most of the answers to ‘what next?’. Noticeably, not really me…

2022 has given me a lot of big ‘what next?’s that only I could answer – ones where I truly needed to own the answer.

Having read and listened to a lot on Growth Mindset lately, I think I have my answer on how to try to cope with it: I need goals so big as to be unattainable and I need to learn to take pleasure in the little victories along the way. I need to move the day-to-day focus from ‘next’ to ‘now’, which will ensure that I still get my sense of achievement in checking things off my list. I also need to make dedicated time to grapple with the anxiety of ‘next’ instead of letting it swamp and lose me. Creating space for both, with more emphasis on ‘now’, will also help with that sense of ikigai.

There will be ‘next’. There will be so much epic next that I am excited about – I have made a loooong list of goals. But it will all be better for ensuring an amazing ‘now’ and I’ll be more resilient if the big goals don’t happen, because I know the progress I’ve still made.

Here’s to a 2023 with a bit more direction rather than being swept along with the tide!