It’s the end of August and a full year since I set up my blog. It’s felt like there have been a lot of topics to write about over the past month, but no time to write. It left me wondering if this is me ‘failing’ as a writer, particularly given previous posts about the need to be brave and just try. My conclusion was that the problem was with my definition of success, not failure.

A mentor once challenged me that my definition of success was nigh on impossible to actually deliver. I’ve come a long way since then, but I suspect that I – and many others – still give ourselves far too narrow a definition of what success should be. We also don’t talk enough about different types of success – and that success in one area often means concession in others – leading to a perpetuation of unrealistic expectations for those looking to us as role models.

My reality is that August has been an incredibly busy month, with many competing asks on my time. This is both in work and outside of work. I have been the only person with a holistic view of all those demands, though both colleagues and family/friends have shown understanding and support. Repeatedly, I’ve had to make a call on what gets priority, and therefore work out when to bring in additional support and where to get that support from. Put that simply, this is just what life requires of most adults every single day. The number of people depending on us inside and outside of work are what raise the stakes and the stress. It is easy to identify the perceived ‘failures’ when you’re up against it, and it goes back to my previous post on the value of reflection in order to find your successes.

August is not over yet, but I have managed to commit time to everything that’s been asked of me. I have done my best. And in doing so, I have forged new relationships with new acquaintances, deepened existing relationships, and broadly enjoyed what I was doing. Ultimately, in doing that, I have met the needs of my family, my colleagues and my clients. All of which is to say that ‘Am I succeeding as a writer?’ is a completely incorrect yardstick for the current point in time or my well-being. The answer is that I haven’t written any blog posts in August – until now – because it was completely unrealistic to expect success to include that on top of everything else. This month, time to blog was a concession but that doesn’t make it a failure.

If struggling to deliver against everything you’d like to achieve resonates with you, it might be worth taking a beat to consider if your definition of success may be slightly unrealistic. One test is to check you’ve factored in time for essential well-being requirements (like preparing food, mental downtime, exercise and sleep). Perhaps if you changed your yardstick for measuring success right now, you’d realise you’re succeeding at more than you thought.

There’s one further component here, and that’s about how comfortable you are with the yardstick you’re left with. This has been a challenge for me in the past, and it’s led to shifts in career direction that brought me to where I am now. It comes back to the pursuit of ‘ikigai’ – am I enjoying the happiness of a busy life that aligns to my values and purpose? Before now, when I haven’t found time to write and put it down to being busy with work or study, it hasn’t always felt comfortable – as if my priorities aren’t quite right. Now, focused on a job I really enjoy that aligns to a sense of ‘doing the right thing’ whilst also prioritising time spent with friends and family, I can feel comfortable that a concession on time to write doesn’t mean a failure to live by my values and in line with a sense of purpose.

So here’s my takeaways today: If you feel like you aren’t succeeding, take a good look at the yardstick you’re using and consider whether there’s a different one that you should be using that does show success. Once you’ve identified the yardstick that shows you’re succeeding, give it a sense check as to whether that’s the yardstick you want to be succeeding against and whether the concessions are ones you can feel comfortable with making for the time being. If you’re comfortable with it, you’re in your sweet spot. If you aren’t, it might mean something needs to change.

For me, my line was that I needed at least one post to the blog in August, so the bank holiday has been pretty timely. I was willing to concede on writing time up to that point, but not further. I’m interested to know how other people find their approach to getting the right balance, defining success and identifying the concessions they need to make – please reach out if you’d be willing to share, or include thoughts in the comments.

As always, thank you for reading.