In view of Boris’ announcement, I thought I’d talk about mental health this week. I can’t offer any advice because I’m not a trained mental health professional, but I have personal experience with anxiety and depression so I’m reflecting on how I’m handling it.

My situation is that I live alone, am part way through decorating my house, and I’m working from home. Having spent last week starting and finishing work in the dark and having felt very low the past two winters, I was already feeling apprehensive about the next four months. The week after next, I have annual leave booked; prior to yesterday, I had a vague hope of going away somewhere – even if only to visit my Gran.

I think it would be easy to let either anxiety or depression carry me away with thoughts of being isolated and stuck in the dark but I’m actually feeling okay about it all. I feel that way because I made a list of reasons why it’s okay. That might sound silly, but I find lists and logic very handy in managing anxiety and depression. For anxiety, it counters the catastrophising. For depression, it breaks things down into manageable chunks. And for both, the act of physically writing out a list makes stray thoughts firmer.

This is my list and, although everyone has individual circumstances, maybe some of it will resonate with you:

  1. I’ve been through this before and the restrictions were heavier then. That means I know I can do it and I have experience in how to stay connected at home and at work.
  2. I can take advantage of lunch and flexible working to get outside in the daylight, and I can take Vitamin D supplements. Both of these are good for helping mood in winter.
  3. Lockdown has normalised video calls so I’ve been able to connect with friends in Singapore and Malaysia who I haven’t spoken to in years. We carried that on through restrictions easing, and it can continue now alongside local friends and family.
  4. Although I might need to delay finishing some of my decorating with shops closing, I’m actually a little bit behind so this is going to give me chance to catch up on painting.
  5. I can order a light box like those used by people with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) in order to help boost my energy levels alongside the walks.
  6. Social bubbles are still permitted for lone adults so I can see my sister.
  7. I know murder mysteries can be a great laugh when conducted virtually, so I’m organising some for friends and family because they’ll be able to go ahead regardless of lockdown restrictions. It’s good to have something certain to look forward to.
  8. I did a virtual painting class last month and enjoyed it so much I’ve gotten art supplies so I can do some more. Lockdown can’t stop that.
  9. I also started learning a new language last month, and those classes are also virtual and can continue.
  10. I can use my week of annual leave for a medley of PlayStation games and decorating.
  11. I reorganised the furniture in my office-space and my living room during last lockdown, so I know I can always do that again/in other rooms if I’m feeling a bit tired of being in the ‘same’ place. Turning 90 degrees does, in fact, feel very different.
  12. Doing this lockdown properly will significantly increase the chance of us being able to celebrate Christmas together.

Obviously this list doesn’t change the fact that I’ll miss family dinner each weekend, I’ll miss getting to see my Gran and I’ll miss the in-person catch-ups I was getting to do with local friends in restaurants, etc. I also still miss hugs. But there are positives to find in the current situation if I look.

I acknowledge my circumstances are more fortunate than some in a few ways – I live in a house not a flat and I can work from home – but I would still use this approach when things are worse (and have, in fact). The principle underlying my list is that I can choose what I spend my time thinking about and how I think about it. Someone qualified to advise on mental health said recently: control the controllables. I’ve taken that to mean trying to focus on all the things I can do rather than what’s been taken away. I also try to focus on making the best of right now, because the future is more difficult to predict than usual.

This positive approach to lists is also something I use in a daily diary: the last thing I do before I go to sleep is I reflect on the things I’ve done during the day, or the nice things that happened – like people calling and showing they care. I find it’s a good way to get in a frame of mind for a good night’s sleep rather than worrying about what I didn’t do. By making that a daily habit in good and bad times, it’s a lot easier to maintain when external events are making life more stressful and I have more need of the benefit it brings.

My parting thought is that I’ve focused on a form of self-care that I undertake here. There have been times when writing a list hasn’t been enough and I needed to speak to someone but didn’t know who or where to start. For those in that situation, I’d encourage everyone to reach out and check-in on colleagues, friends and loved ones. You never really know what someone else is thinking and it might be exactly what they need.