On 14 February 2007, Criminal Minds aired an episode ‘Fear and Loathing’ where a black serial killer preys on black teenage girls. The plotline includes the political uproar that’s occurring around the murders and how the mayor is struggling to manage racial tensions.

I watched it back today, 31 August 2020. I don’t remember watching it the first time, but I think it will stay with me this time for many reasons. Not least is the attention focused on black stories with the prevalence of ‘Black Lives Matters’ in the news this year. It’s all surged again this past weekend, as the world mourns the loss of Chadwick Boseman to colon cancer. I’ve cried reading the news about that: for the notion of someone who felt so strongly and passionately about what they were doing that they kept working whilst battling such a dreadful illness. That’s something that is inspiring regardless of gender or race.

So perhaps it’s some small tribute from me to stop and really think about what this episode made me feel today. To use my skills in writing to capture that. To look for answers to some of the questions it raised for me about the actors involved, and to better educate myself about them.

For those who might not have seen this episode, it most closely follows Derek Morgan, the biracial member of the BAU played by Shemar Moore. Derek connects with the black lead detective in the local police force, Detective Ware played by Billy Brown. And they are hunting Wakeland, a black criminal played by David Ramsey.

The plot point that hits hardest, that Derek ends up dwelling on, is when Detective Ware is shot by accident by a white man who has seen a news report saying the suspect is black. The man doesn’t stop to think, he operates from a place of fear when he spots a black man with a gun on his property and he shoots him. Wakeland’s death leaves behind his wife and two children. It resonates with Derek because he grew up as a young biracial man with no father.

The first point that hurt so much about this is that we’re over a decade on from this sort of prejudice being highlighted on a mainstream TV show and people are still only just realising it exists. They only learned about the term microaggression this year. They only recognised the need to educate themselves to try and start managing their instinctive reactions this year.

The second point that hurt is to see this consistent depiction of black families with fathers lost because of violence. I’ve heard black people give voice to this problem in the media before: the consistent stereotype. This episode seems (to me, as a white person) to handle the plotline relatively well, but it still sells a story to young black people that the successful detective can be shot for being black just as easily as the person who’s seduced into a gang. I wonder what threat that poses – how much it presents a narrative of why bother trying to negotiate the barriers society has put up to progression? And it reinforces to wider society the stereotype of the single black mother, because dying prematurely is what black men do.

It also made me think about black voices, and to wonder what, if anything, those three actors have said about BLM. I didn’t immediately recognise Billy Brown, but I was familiar with Shemar Moore, of course, and David Ramsey was immediately recognisable to me as John Diggle from Arrow. It made me sad to think that this is nothing new for them.

For Shemar Moore, I found the video where he spoke on the 8 June this year about being biracial, about recognising how he’s been on the receiving end of racism, but that he does not want to cast blame on either side.

For Billy Brown, I realised I should also have recognised him from How to Get Away with Murder and Dexter, but didn’t see any links for twitter or instagram based on google algorithms. I find myself wondering if he really doesn’t have a presence, or if this is another feature of the bias in our society and algorithms that can make people of colour invisible.

For David Ramsey, I was unsurprised to see him engaging in the debate after hearing him speak at superhero conventions in the past. David’s response has been to promote and participate in ‘The Plague Nerdalogues’ during the coronavirus pandemic to raise funds for key causes, including Black Lives Matter. The Nerdalogues see actors performing famous nerdy monologues from shows they love – using their skills to best contribute to achieving change.

Seeing the Plague Nerdalogues makes me sure writing this is the right way to go. It’s about each of us taking this moment in 2020 to reflect on what we can contribute to achieve a change. It’ll be different for everyone, because every one of us has a different talent to give.

So here I am, thinking about what I’m seeing, reading and hearing, and then acting by writing it down and sharing it. I think this is my ikigai: writing about what matters.

I hope it inspires others who read it to think and work out how they can act. In 13 years, I don’t want to re-watch this episode and think that in 26 years, nothing has really changed. We can all be better than that.